I spend a lot of time on Twitter. Like, at least two hours a day, give or take.  To quote myriad social media experts: It’s so great for networking! Great, but also: head-bang-inducing.  Because, in Twitter as on Facebook as in life, there are seven shameless narcissists for every insightful/witty/delightful person.

Way harsh, Ty, you say. You’re right—they’re not all shameless narcissists: some of them are just clueless. (zing!) Some of this cluelessness is fairly straightforward: the publishing of debit card photos,  the rants about employers, the “In Tahiti for the next month—hope I remembered to lock the door” updates. But some of it is utterly perplexing. Below, 8 habits I don’t understand, and three that I do, but find highly off-putting.

  1. Symbols in bios. I know 160 characters ain’t much, but what exactly is that spade supposed to signify?
  2. Hashtags in bios. Especially generic hashtags, like “ #running.” These words show up in search results regardless—no need to pound ‘em!
  3. Accolade-only bios. Next.
  4. Bios that are just vaguely aspirational/inspirational aphorisms. Why yes, I too am reaching for the stars whilst keeping my sneaks on the pavement. We should be besties!
  5. Bios that contain any of the following: “visionary,” “guru,” “pro,” “ninja,” “innovator,” “all-around good guy,” “Christ-lover,” “devoted father/mother/husband”
  6. Insanely high following counts. You can’t possibly read, let alone respond to, 40,000 tweet streams.
  7. Tweets that start with “This,” followed by a link. This what?
  8. Hashtags that are just long, boring sentences #imboredandhungrycanigonow
  9. People who retweet tweets that mention them.
  10.  People who use TrueTwit
  11.  People who reward your reduced follower:following count with an automated DM asking you to “like” them on Facebook. No, but I will unfollow you!

Disagree with any/many of the above? Get @ me or let me know in the comments!